American Football: Spandex+ad breaks+steriods+gayness=NFL. It's back.
The NFL, arguably the gayest sport of all, gets it season underway once again as muscle-bound steroid abusers in lurid coloured spandex are back for five months of intense sausage-jockey action.
Fans around the world (USA) are crazy with anticipation at the prospect of interminable TV related ad-breaks and relentless Queen tracks blasting out across stadia worldwide (USA). At the end of it all the ultimate prize in sports awaits; to be crowned world champion (USA) and clinch the really super Superbowl.
Brad Murkle, a rabid Philadelphia Eagles fan can’t wait; “I just love watching big guys go at each other. All those muscles, all that testosterone and all packaged in a sweet-ass pair of tight fitting pants. Sport doesn’t get much better than this.” Across the world (USA) feelings are similar. In Dallas, long time Cowboy fan Billy Joe Bob Hick is itching to see some big shiny Cowboy helmets; “All summer long I been a playin ma banjo an a dreamin of Cowboys. Bring it on. We gonna shock the world (USA)”.
It’s not just the fans who are moist with anticipation though; the players are itching to get into one another as well. Said New York Giants tombstone toothed defensive star Michael Strahan, “I’ve really missed the locker room camaraderie over the off season and I can’t wait to get back into it with my team mates. Showers, massages, rub downs, we are so psyched for it that the coaches have literally had to pull some of us apart. I’ve been teaching Osi (fellow halfwit Osi Umenyiora) how to get really good penetration into the quarterback and we’ve both given Eli (overpaid shirt-lifter Eli Manning) a good pounding in practice. The boy can hardly walk now so Coach Coughlin had to pull us off. It felt great to be back in his hands”.
While most are excited at the start of a new season there remain some spoilsports still moaning about the inappropriate name of the team based at the nation’s capital, the Washington Redskins. Fat, 43 year old virgin Thelma Droop speaks for many when she says that the name is “offensive and racist to injuns”. Kimberly Sags, 38 and also with nothing better to do and no-one to love her, agrees; “the term redskin is offensive to native Americans everywhere. There is no greater evil in the world right now than this blatant racism. And it’s not just the redskins that the NFL offends. People who are vikings, fudge-packers, giants, cowboys, brown, chiefs, patriots, titans, saints and buccaneers are all being laughed at by the NFL and made a mockery off by fans across the world (USA)”.
A spokesman for flamboyant Redskin owner Daniel Snyder responded; “they can go fuck themselves”.
Fans around the world (USA) are crazy with anticipation at the prospect of interminable TV related ad-breaks and relentless Queen tracks blasting out across stadia worldwide (USA). At the end of it all the ultimate prize in sports awaits; to be crowned world champion (USA) and clinch the really super Superbowl.
Brad Murkle, a rabid Philadelphia Eagles fan can’t wait; “I just love watching big guys go at each other. All those muscles, all that testosterone and all packaged in a sweet-ass pair of tight fitting pants. Sport doesn’t get much better than this.” Across the world (USA) feelings are similar. In Dallas, long time Cowboy fan Billy Joe Bob Hick is itching to see some big shiny Cowboy helmets; “All summer long I been a playin ma banjo an a dreamin of Cowboys. Bring it on. We gonna shock the world (USA)”.
It’s not just the fans who are moist with anticipation though; the players are itching to get into one another as well. Said New York Giants tombstone toothed defensive star Michael Strahan, “I’ve really missed the locker room camaraderie over the off season and I can’t wait to get back into it with my team mates. Showers, massages, rub downs, we are so psyched for it that the coaches have literally had to pull some of us apart. I’ve been teaching Osi (fellow halfwit Osi Umenyiora) how to get really good penetration into the quarterback and we’ve both given Eli (overpaid shirt-lifter Eli Manning) a good pounding in practice. The boy can hardly walk now so Coach Coughlin had to pull us off. It felt great to be back in his hands”.
While most are excited at the start of a new season there remain some spoilsports still moaning about the inappropriate name of the team based at the nation’s capital, the Washington Redskins. Fat, 43 year old virgin Thelma Droop speaks for many when she says that the name is “offensive and racist to injuns”. Kimberly Sags, 38 and also with nothing better to do and no-one to love her, agrees; “the term redskin is offensive to native Americans everywhere. There is no greater evil in the world right now than this blatant racism. And it’s not just the redskins that the NFL offends. People who are vikings, fudge-packers, giants, cowboys, brown, chiefs, patriots, titans, saints and buccaneers are all being laughed at by the NFL and made a mockery off by fans across the world (USA)”.
A spokesman for flamboyant Redskin owner Daniel Snyder responded; “they can go fuck themselves”.
posted by sportbitch at 11:29 am
2 Comments:
LOLPIMP. :D
TVM.
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