Tennis: Andy Murray - would you want his clammy hands on your daughter?
Rat-faced streak of piss Andy Murray collapsed in a big British heap of failure in the fourth round at the US Open. After flirting with success for some months and threatening to break with a proud tradition of losers, Murray finally found himself and got royally humped 6-0 in the rain-delayed, deciding set by some dull-arsed Russian drone.
The whey-faced whiner looks a good bet to fill the average sized trainers of Tiger Timmy Henman as Britain's latest nearly-man. Indeed, Tiger Timmy himself gave Moaning Murray a ringing endorsement, saying 'Murray really looked crap under pressure out there and I'm sure that he can flop out of loads of tournaments in future. I'll call it now and say that he could even be the face of Aerial Washing Powder'.
Canadian opportunist Gary Rusedski sounded a note of caution however, saying 'Murray has won a lot of games in the past year and if he isn't careful he could ruin my good work by making British people interested in tennis for more than two weeks a year'. Rusedski, who God willing will retire soon and take up breaking in teeth for horses full time and take his horrific wannabe wife with him, also banged on about something else but no-one really cared what.
In British streets the loss was greeted with an outbreak of indifference. Having enjoyed years of mind-numbing interviews and crushed hopes with Tiger Timmy and Graham Rusedski most Brits have found that Miserable Murray has seemlessly fitted into the national subconscience without so much as a scratched bollock. Summing up the mood was office clock-watcher Barry Dickson, who said 'Tennis? Who gives a shit, the football season has started. Isn't Murray a Sweaty anyway?'.
In other tennis news musclebound beefcake Serena Williams lost to bulldyke beefcake Amelie Machismo and Rafael Nadal lost to Mikhail Whoseknee. And finally at the US Open, oh, really, who cares?
The whey-faced whiner looks a good bet to fill the average sized trainers of Tiger Timmy Henman as Britain's latest nearly-man. Indeed, Tiger Timmy himself gave Moaning Murray a ringing endorsement, saying 'Murray really looked crap under pressure out there and I'm sure that he can flop out of loads of tournaments in future. I'll call it now and say that he could even be the face of Aerial Washing Powder'.
Canadian opportunist Gary Rusedski sounded a note of caution however, saying 'Murray has won a lot of games in the past year and if he isn't careful he could ruin my good work by making British people interested in tennis for more than two weeks a year'. Rusedski, who God willing will retire soon and take up breaking in teeth for horses full time and take his horrific wannabe wife with him, also banged on about something else but no-one really cared what.
In British streets the loss was greeted with an outbreak of indifference. Having enjoyed years of mind-numbing interviews and crushed hopes with Tiger Timmy and Graham Rusedski most Brits have found that Miserable Murray has seemlessly fitted into the national subconscience without so much as a scratched bollock. Summing up the mood was office clock-watcher Barry Dickson, who said 'Tennis? Who gives a shit, the football season has started. Isn't Murray a Sweaty anyway?'.
In other tennis news musclebound beefcake Serena Williams lost to bulldyke beefcake Amelie Machismo and Rafael Nadal lost to Mikhail Whoseknee. And finally at the US Open, oh, really, who cares?
posted by sportbitch at 3:10 pm
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