Cricket: Obesity no obstacle to playing top level cricket.
Bloated Bermudan bowler Dwayne Leverock gave an insipid England team food for thought after dismissing top batsmen Paul Collingwood MBE and Kevin Pietersen MBE with his deadly twirlers during a world cup warm up. The 546 pound pig (who coincidentally is also a pig by profession, working for Bermuda National Police) gobbled up the English stars (although Pietersen is technically a dirty racist South African as he was born and brought up there) and put England under unexpected pressure before the more experienced side overwhelmed the clownish Bermudans, bowling them out for a song.
Oft-injured England skipper Michael Vaughan MBE chose to concentrate on the positives, “we murdered them and Barbados are not as shit as everyone says and our bowlers got some overs under their belts”. However, no one got more under his belt than the 48 year Leverock who eschewed the traditional fat man option of tucking either under or over the belt and instead put half of his monstrous flabby belly under his belt and half over. Said Dwayne, “I use a special reinforced belt with titanium inserts that allows me to go for what I call the Leverock Over/Under Double Tuck, its mega”.
A number of other top cricketers are said to be interested in the Leverock technique with Pakistan chubber Inzamam-ul-Haq and England lardo Bobby Key reportedly having already contacted the obese Bermudan copper. Disgraced drug taking aussie pervert Shane Warne has already been using the belt to some effect in his TV adverts for a slap head prevention product.
Anticipation for the upcoming world cup in the Caribbean is reaching mild levels of interest in several parts of the world with at least four teams thought to be in with a chance of reaching the semi final stages. Some critics have suggested that the inclusion of a number of chronically shit teams like Scotland, Bermuda, Esher 2nd XI and England has weakened the tournament and will result in a large number of pointless mismatches. Ian Botham, who can’t let go of his childhood and is now a tolerated pundit for ruthless TV empire Sky, counters that such a view is rubbish, “that’s rubbish” said Botham. Misery guts and fellow pundit Bob Willis, who has caused 11 viewers to commit suicide (8 successfully) with his dull, monotonous and depressing commentary agreed, “I agree” said Willis.
England coach and hardy racist Duncan Fletcher defended the inclusion of the joke Bermudan’s and their heffalump bowler Leverock when questioned on the subject by drunken members of the press corp living it up in the WIndies. “Cricket is a sport for pure athletes. It’s the most demanding sport in the world and this world cup is the very pinnacle of the sport. Leverock’s tummy is just relaxed muscle. If you aren’t in peak condition there is no way you can play cricket at the top level for a premier team like Bahrain. Leverock also works for the BNP and I am a massive supporter of that organisation.”
Oft-injured England skipper Michael Vaughan MBE chose to concentrate on the positives, “we murdered them and Barbados are not as shit as everyone says and our bowlers got some overs under their belts”. However, no one got more under his belt than the 48 year Leverock who eschewed the traditional fat man option of tucking either under or over the belt and instead put half of his monstrous flabby belly under his belt and half over. Said Dwayne, “I use a special reinforced belt with titanium inserts that allows me to go for what I call the Leverock Over/Under Double Tuck, its mega”.
A number of other top cricketers are said to be interested in the Leverock technique with Pakistan chubber Inzamam-ul-Haq and England lardo Bobby Key reportedly having already contacted the obese Bermudan copper. Disgraced drug taking aussie pervert Shane Warne has already been using the belt to some effect in his TV adverts for a slap head prevention product.
Anticipation for the upcoming world cup in the Caribbean is reaching mild levels of interest in several parts of the world with at least four teams thought to be in with a chance of reaching the semi final stages. Some critics have suggested that the inclusion of a number of chronically shit teams like Scotland, Bermuda, Esher 2nd XI and England has weakened the tournament and will result in a large number of pointless mismatches. Ian Botham, who can’t let go of his childhood and is now a tolerated pundit for ruthless TV empire Sky, counters that such a view is rubbish, “that’s rubbish” said Botham. Misery guts and fellow pundit Bob Willis, who has caused 11 viewers to commit suicide (8 successfully) with his dull, monotonous and depressing commentary agreed, “I agree” said Willis.
England coach and hardy racist Duncan Fletcher defended the inclusion of the joke Bermudan’s and their heffalump bowler Leverock when questioned on the subject by drunken members of the press corp living it up in the WIndies. “Cricket is a sport for pure athletes. It’s the most demanding sport in the world and this world cup is the very pinnacle of the sport. Leverock’s tummy is just relaxed muscle. If you aren’t in peak condition there is no way you can play cricket at the top level for a premier team like Bahrain. Leverock also works for the BNP and I am a massive supporter of that organisation.”
posted by sportbitch at 12:35 pm
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